Parenthood is full of irony.
You wish for things to happen and then at times, you hope they don’t. I keep telling my kids to keep the noise down all day. Yesterday I gave instructions to my troops to keep the chaos and noise down while mommy takes a quick nap in the other room. I explained the dos and don’ts and also the consequences.
While I lay in my bed for 10 minutes, it felt awfully quiet. I decided to just shrug it off, but as seconds became minutes my brain started sending alarm signals saying
“What the hell is going on”? No noise? No fight? No child barging in with a complaint??
I was determined to rest. After completing all the house chores I felt I had earned this power nap. I told myself not to overthink… “Kids must be playing with Lego”. After two seconds my creative brain flashed a dramatic picture which made me imagine that my younger son had swallowed a small Lego piece and choking. I fought hard to dismiss that image. I remembered that the Lego box is kept high on the shelf and not in their reach so it was not a possibility. I smiled in relief and snuggled and hugged the pillow.
After one minute, my brain sends me another message, “Why still no noise”?. Suddenly my smile vanished again. In the past, my younger son has been caught red-handed dissolving the bathing soap in the bathroom. My brain flashed a picture of the tap running on full pressure and a bucket of milky white water with random toys swimming in it. I pictured the water overflowing and gushing out like a scene in the movie Titanic. I remembered the kids don’t know how to swim yet! I felt so uncomfortable but kept my eyes shut. I told myself if I had to mop again, I will do so only after I am done with my nap.
I tried to breathe deep and calm myself. After two minutes…I remembered how we have kept a bowl of water and some bread for the pigeons in the balcony. What if the kids opened the door, went out and fell off? Mom laying selfishly on the bed while kids hanging on for their lives clutching the balcony railing!!!
I got three permanent wrinkles on my forehead thanks to all the trauma of imagining this. Then my brain did some math.. My kids were little over 3 feet and the possibility of reaching the high door latch was a bit of a stretch.
I tossed and turned, clenched my teeth and felt so frustrated with absolute silence. Then my brain went on the panic mode. Like the way life flashes in front of you before a bad accident, my brain sent me images. Fire in the kitchen, an image of children with a knife, someone tripping and getting hurt, a random break-in, kidnapping while the mommy napped and my picture flashed on all major newspapers and TV channels with the caption. ” Selfish Mom sleeps while putting kids in danger”! I felt Arnab Swami asking me ” Faujimom… The nation wants to know!!! Why did you take a Nap Madam?
That’s it! I woke up like a zombie came back to life suddenly. I looked at the ceiling trying to look at God and ask “ Don’t I deserve an afternoon nap?’. I opened my bedroom door and my eyes searched for the kids. I was ready to serve justice and punish the perpetrators. I opened the kid’s room with a bang asking “What the hell is going on?”
My kids were playing with their toys. They greeted me with a big smile and the younger one ran to hug and show me what he made with his blocks. That moment my brain sent me a new delivery. I got a big fat dose of mommy guilt.
So moral of the story. Parenthood is full of irony. You can never predict accurately so read the fine print because everything comes with some disclaimer!