Hello! How are you?
I had a very interesting conversation with a friend about husbands. My friend narrated a funny family incident. Recently on her family WhatsApp group, a young married relative sent a picture of Nimboo Pani in a cocktail glass made by her husband. All relatives showered praises on how thoughtful he was and even declared the jodi made in heaven. The couple was so motivated, that next day he made a sandwich for breakfast! The proud and grateful wife took his picture with the sandwich and sent it on the group. Her mother in law was very proud of her son and the doting wife said: “Thank you Mummy Ji” to her on the WhatsApp group! The wife sure scored some brownie points right there. My friend now married for 10 years could not bear the misogyny. She commented that “sandwich is cool but what about the household chores?”. There was a long silence in the group. All the people stopped typing. She said it felt like someone died!
The husband felt a bit insulted and replied: “Bhabhi I am working from home BY THE WAY”! The wife jumped in to defend her husband’s honour saying “ I am not working so I do it”. My friend was on a suicide mission and asked: “What about the baby?”. The mother-in-law dismissed, royally ignored my friend and wrote: “May God bless you both with never-ending love and happiness in life”. That was the end of the conversation and no pictures followed after that.
My friend says she might get blocked pretty soon.
This lockdown has not been easy especially for women. We have never-ending household chores, family and children to look after and also professional work.Women who don’t have professional jobs are expected to notexpect any help. It is so deeply ingrained in our mindsets that some jobs are too menial for the man of the house to do. The hair from the bathroom drain will obviously be cleaned by the wife! Does the man not shed any hair I ask? The ‘Pati is Parmeshwar’ is fed to us unknowingly through religious scriptures, television and also during the saat Pheras and Vachan(promises) we take during the marriage. The provider of the family is put on a high pedestal and worshipped and thanked for all that he does. But what about the better half? Somehow the so-called weaker sex has a lot on her plate. So many things we do daily go unaccounted for and unnoticed. The household we employ is made to look like a perk.
While there are many wonderful men who walk the talk and setting good examples… unfortunately there are still a majority of men who pretend not to notice the tired wife.
- To all the women reading this. Pati is not Parmeshwar. Pati is your husband. Looking after, caring and supporting should be a two-way street.
- If you are a homemaker you should not feel guilty to delegate some work. The delegation will not dilute your identity or competency.
- Husband doing some household chores is not a reflection on how you are as a wife. Marriage is a partnership and we ought to remember. Don’t worry about “Log kya khange”!
- If you are not getting the help you deserve you need to have the talk! Like mature adults, you need to let the love of your life know how you feel.
- Gender-neutral parenting is not effective in theory if the children don’t see it happen in real life.
So when life gives you lemons you make a good Nimboo Pani. A good Nimboo Pani needs lemon, sugar, spices, salt and water. Marriage is pretty much like Nimboo Pani. One ingredient can’t do it all. You have to find a balance and put everything ‘swad anusaar’..
Dear Ghar ki Laxmi and Pati Parmeshwar split the chores and end of the day enjoy some Nimboo Pani together!
P.s Feel free to forward this to all the family WhatsApp groups 🙂