Tell me if you have noticed-
You open your Facebook and read notifications-“Your friend X has tagged you and 40 other women for a challenge.Post a black and white picture and show that you support and encourage women. Women stand for women.!” You will find at least 40 enthusiastic women respond to this and happily find a beautiful picture of themselves to play along. Everyone feels happy.
You open your Facebook and look for notifications “Your yesterday’s post about your brand asking people to buy, read or share has only 3 comments. You can see all your friends online but everyone conveniently seemed to have missed reading this one. Those 3 comments are from your parents, best friend and a relative.
You post the same Fb post on your other social media handles and get massive support. Women you never met have liked, loved and celebrated your work.
Now you have the biggest challenge to wonder- Who is actually your tribe?!
Why do we get insecure to see our women friends do well? Why do we show lukewarm response openly but show loyalty privately on messages? What are we trying to hide or trying to prove? Why don’t we feel jealous of the husband ? Why do we measure our success with our girlfriends? Why will we give a like on the post but not a comment?
I have been through this feeling myself and so have you. Not a positive space to be in. What you discover deep down are feelings of jealously, incompetence, self doubt and anger. You feel left behind! You want to do more but don’t know how? You want to be more but don’t know where to begin?
Hacks to beat the friendship blues-
1. You and your friend are two different people. No one is better than the other. You both have different life circumstances, drive and reasons for what you do.
2. Watch your friend closely. Everything takes effort. When you acknowledge the effort you get rid of your self pity. If she is running a marathon she is putting in the hard work and you sweating on the couch is not the same. The effort will make you respect your friend.
3. We know our friends socially. Sometimes they surprise us by discovering their talents and passions. If a friend started baking, learning to stitch, write or paint, encourage her. Yes it will bother you and you can’t admit but just do it. Kind words make both parties feel good.
4. Your lack of encouragement will not stop your friend. The person who discovers what she enjoys will do it anyway. She will however remember your support while she was struggling. People always remember who stood by them when they were trying. Be a good friend. Don’t worry her chances of becoming a millionaire are as slim as you want to be!
5. Company Matters-The way we tell our kids to keep good company similarly we as adults should surround ourselves with people who think outside the box also. When you hang out with the same people for years because it is comfortable you remain where you are. The friend who might be baking some average looking cakes, a friend who is trying to run or a friend who started a blog is all on their way to become a better version of themselves. Best time to connect and pick their brain for inspiration.
6. Don’t make fun of your friend– Empty vessels make a lot of noise. Your friends are more than their looks, clothes, accents and careers. Think deeper. Look at how they talk, treat and make you feel. Someone who is outspoken might be a better bet than the person who has dedicated her life to pleasing everyone. Don’t gossip.
7.Don’t Hitchhike on your friend’s hard work-We often expect instant support in return of our support to our friends. Stop sending messages to her DM expecting a roaring support. She has earned her credentials over a period of time. Don’t expect to hitchhike. You do your work and continue to engage, support and learn.
7. Self discovery in mid Life Crisis- a lot of stay home moms feel a mid life crisis. It is okay. Happens to everyone. You don’t have to jump into something to prove anything. We all have a lot already on our plates. Find out what you enjoyed doing but didn’t have the time. Yoga, reading, painting or just chilling. Do it for yourself. The inspiration lightning strikes when you least expect it.
8. Number game-On social Media -4200 is greater than 3200 but does not prove that it is any better. Following is a mind play. Look at the person who can add value and not just easy on the eyes.
9. You are not left behind! We sometimes feel insecure because we don’t get the right opportunities for our talent. We feel we can do more and sometimes better than our peers. It is okay to feel that way. You are not evil. It means you want more in life. It is okay to want more. Best way will be to talk to your friends who discovered their passions. They can always help you find yours, if you are looking.
Women especially Moms feel most insecure because doing anything extra comes at a big price. We already have a lot of responsibilities so taking out time and energy to try something new demands a lot out of us. Breathe. Stop comparing. Do some soul searching. Talk to your friends.
When women support other women amazing things happen. Don’t send Follow for follow requests. Support without agendas. Look deeper and feel more.
We all can make it together! A challenge worth accepting!