O- Outlook

Decoding Husbands

Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.”Albert Einstein

If understanding women is complicated then let me tell you, understanding men leaves you confused. They handle pretty complicated things at work but it baffles me how simple things are beyond them. I have observed the opposite sex all these years in my own family, work, friends and now I am a mom of two boys. I am trying to understand men.

Disclaimer-

All the characters and events depicted are fictitious. Any resemblance to any husband is purely coincidental. The article is based on creative observations of the author. Not a generalization. Just for laughs.”

1.Missing the obvious- My husband can find directions in the most complicated routes in Delhi without a GPS. However If I tell him that the dabba of banana chips is on the right shelf in the kitchen , he will come back empty handed claiming with full confidence that it is not there. It is always there! My older son also comes to me saying he can’t find his favorite toy, book or shoes and it is often right in front of him. I look at my son the same way I look at my husband wondering Why are they like this?

2.Missing the point-If I start a conversation about my feelings and emotions suddenly my husband experiences temporary deafness. I can actually see his eyes open and blinking but I can feel his attention has left the building. Like a good teacher I give him a surprise test in the middle of our conversation to check if he is actually listening. Like a veteran who has survived a few fights, he has learnt to say a few selective words to save himself. The same is the case with my two sons. They cannot hear me scream from the other room when I call them for homework but if I whisper “ok you can watch cartoons” they will come running.

3. Masterchef Judges-I appreciate the men who cook but here I am talking about the ones who don’t. They might not possess the skills or the knowledge but their expert opinion is always served as a starter. Once my father tried cooking gajar ka halwa but he injured himself while grating the carrots and declared the process too dangerous. My mom completed the cooking rolling her eyes. My sons have started giving me scores offlate on the food also. The french fries and homemade pizzas always score high and my methi paratha is given points below 5. I have started giving scores also to these men when they make chai, weird desserts and play dough cakes for me.

4. Wardrobe malfunctions-I never knew I had to become a stylist for my family also. I have explained a million times how denim on denim, corduroy on corduroy and weird colour combinations don’t work to my kids and their dad. Atleast not on the normal folk. My husband and kids wear the smartest, expensive clothes for vegetable shopping. For parties or get togethers they take out the faded, worn out or some weird colour clothes that make me cringe. I have made sections of their clothes in their cupboards as per the outing to make it simpler but it has been a futile effort. Some of their favorite, faded clothes have mysteriously vanished from their cupboards thanks to me.

5.Technicallysound-My friend told me about her husband who is an engineer and his daily work involves sonar waves and fixing complicated systems. He heated a leftover pizza slice in a steel plate in the microwave and ruined the microwave and her day!

6. Habits of highly effective peoplein a marriage-Wet Towel on the bed makes the mattress wet. Waiting for the damp spot on the bed to dry naturally is not a treat to the eyes so find another spot to dump it. Wipe the bathroom floor unless you are planning wife’s murder. Your throne is unfortunately shared by the queen also so don’t invite trouble. Farting and burping does not revive romance in a relationship so hold it! Learn to put clothes in the laundry basket and not hold an exhibition of your clothes hanging in the bathroom. When you keep your dishes back in the sink don’t place it like you are playing the balancing game called Jenga. Do something about your snoring. We don’t want surround sound effect while trying to sleep.

7. Couple Fight Manual– If you have been married for a few years you know by now what the general fight program is. Depending upon the topic of misunderstanding you should know how long it will take to get back to normal. Most husbands have memory loss of past events and forget the instructions given to them by their wives on how how to ‘Manao them if they are upset’. Dude these instructions are crucial. Wrong time to be clueless with words and actions. When wife says I don’t want to talk does not mean she does not want to talk. She wants to know that you REALLY want to talk or not? Don’t just walk away happily because it’s not over. Pick your battles wisely and learn to concede sometimes. Declaring like Trump That I have won by a big margin is a delusion and not helping your kingdom.

8. Small big gestures-is the most complicated thing for men to understand. Notice and appreciate the small things women folk do sometimes. One general statement of “you know I love you is… Meh!” If one day the food is not good learn to close your mouth and eat. “Everything is yours” is a statement that holds no real value so get a gift or flowers without any occasion.. Listen and understand when we talk. Please note that everything does not fall under the category of ‘mood swings’! We might be stay at home mums but we have a lot going on as well.

Love in a marriage is like good stocks. You have to study the company you have invested in. Let’s invest together smartly and make this fun and make our life profitable.

Don’t change just educate. ❤️

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s