I dream of traveling to far off places and exploring the world but I absolutely hate flying. Most times it’s a smooth ride but offlate I have experienced some really turbulent flights.
Forget about the ‘airport looks’ I am looking out for the clouds. These white fluffy cotton candy clouds look so harmless and Instagram worthy but they are majorly responsible for my soul leaving my body mid air.
While boarding I walk very slowly deliberately checking with my Superman vision the airplane wheels to see if they are sturdy and not worn out. I check the airplane wings to see no nut or bolt is loose. I look down to see no oil is leaking and I check the sky for birds. I am no expert but I feel very reassured when I see the technicians performing their routine checks while the passengers board. My heart claps for them and I want to tell them “bhaiya achhe se check karna please” but then no one would take me seriously.
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I desperately try to catch a glimpse of the Captain and the co pilot. Like an uptight body language expert I judge their posture, confidence, uniform and age. I have to admit I am happy to see a woman pilot. I somehow feel they have chosen a career which is not common and the selected ones are definitely great at what they do and have a point to prove and set an example for all women. Ironically I don’t possess their guts to fly. I feel like a boss just driving on Delhi roads and for this lifetime it’s an achievement for me. I also greet the air stewardesses with good eye contact and that 2 second interaction really helps boost my morale.
Next I try and avoid the window seat. My kids think I am making a sacrifice by giving my seat to them. Only if they knew how brave their mom is.
Sitting next to my husband helps. His no care attitude and blind confidence in technology really calms me down. I let him feel macho because I do become the damsel in distress at 40,000 Ft.
I read, watch something and eat the tasteless sandwiches and fake enjoying it. I try and convince my brain not to think of turbulence but then my over creative brain can’t help itself.
The take off is the first test. Good take off and less noisy aircraft gets the first tick.
All goes well till the fluffy cotton candy clouds appear. The minute I spot them I can predict what’s going to happen. Like a typical horror movie a foggy mist surrounds the plane and you find yourself flying in white clouds. It all seems well till boom you go down like on a rollercoaster. your stomach is in your mouth and you get a second to understand what just happened. Before you shrug it off.. Boom again one more plunge and your aatma/soul leaves your body. You let out a scream as a reflex and imagine the worst. I remember watching the Netflix documentary on Boeing airplanes crashing because of some new faulty technology and wonder if ours is the upgraded one.
While this was happening to me on my Sikkim to Delhi flight I noticed how happy my kids were. Like clueless fools they were squealing with joy as if they were on a rollercoaster. My younger son said “Wheeee We are going to crash and Boom there will be a big sound”. The lady behind them gave me zero marks in parenting but I couldn’t care less. I told my kids to keep quiet and sit tight and it’s going to be ok but my expressions did not match my words. While I dug my nails into my husband”‘s arms and blamed him for the turbulence I remembered all the Gods. Religion was no bar. I reminded them what a wonderfully flawed person I am who deserves to live.
The turbulence did not stop. I looked at the stewardesses to see if they were calm so everything will be ok. They were strapped far away in the seats and I could not see their expressions thanks to the masks.
Some weird oversmart gentleman behind me started his commentary about airplanes and turbulence. I wanted to punch him but unbuckling the seat belt was not an option for me. I turned back and gave him my mom eye roll and I think that kind of shut him up.
Those minutes felt like hours. I waited for a reassuring announcement from the captain but he was probably too busy flying the plane. I mean some words like ” Don’t worry guys it’s a routine thing and I have so many flying hours and so much expertise and the plane has this supersonic technology so nothing will happen”! I would rather take this than the tasteless sandwiches and lukewarm tea anyday.
Your life flashes in front of your eyes like a power point presentation. You want to edit a few things and redo some parts and make promises to amend and do better.
Finally the flight got a bit stable. I look around feeling a bit embarrassed but the face mask helps. Finally I spotted land. Almost there I wait for the landing announcement eagerly, I look at my city and send flying kisses from above. I promise to never leave her and go. I wait for that landing gear sound but nothing happens.
I realise we are circling the city. I want to revolt and demand a landing spot. I want the captian to be more assertive and tell these air control tower people what I have been through and I need to just land but we continue to circle.
Then I start to visualise. I start flying the plane and see the airport and the wheels hitting the runway. I promise to write more and draw more and live fearlessly only request is Land Kara do! I calculate all my wrong doings and paaps/sins committed in this lifetime but I remind karma it’s not time yet. There are more horrible people she could target.
With a big thud and my body flying at the speed of light I finally landed. The feeling of gratitude is immense.
I deplane with confidence with a spring in my step. I give a nod to the staff and walk to the bus waiting for me. I ‘palat’ like a Bollywood heroine with emotion in my eyes and look at that big piece of flying metal and say… We will meet again under better weather conditions till then goodbye…
Faujimom Comics 